Shine Jesus Shine FAIL
FOC2009’s gone, and so is rally, and bidding, which means the summer break is about to follow suit as well. And so far, the whole summer has been strangely unsatisfying. There’s no reason for this, but I’ve spent the entire summer with dread, this sense of impending doom. What kind of doom, I have absolutely no clue.
I thought the “doom” would go away after FOC, but it didn’t, because we jumped straight into the Rally project. So I thought it would go away after the Rally, which was MM’s last major project, and it didn’t. There was no “Thank God it’s finally over,” not immediately after the rally, not 3 days after, not a week… not ever. It just felt like any other day.
It’s like as if the fact that I can finally put my feet up and chill never really sank in. I’ve still got this overwhelming sense of dread, like as if Facebook is going to be revamped with a Hello Kitty theme, but I don’t use Facebook, so that wouldn’t be so bad… Or like as if BMW’s going to pull out of Formula 1, which is actually going to happen. They’re leaving Formula 1 at year’s end and leave the Sauber Team to die an even more horrible death than they already are this season. It would make my BMW Sauber cap a really cool cap to have though, because the team wouldn’t exist anymore, or at least exist under a different name…
And then there was the CSS AGM, which didn’t help to reassert any sense of normalcy either. Not that it was an extremely important personal thing for me or anything, but I’m just glad we didn’t have more freshmen present, or who knows what they might start thinking of us. I shan’t delve into anymore details. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t entirely bad. It was just… extremely weird, as I’m sure most people would agree.
But I’m not dreading any of that nonsense. I’ve spent the entire summer like this. I can’t even take a proper break and take my mind off everything, ’cos I don’t even know what my mind is on. Is it the impending semester and all its work? Irrational paranoia that I may lose some good people this semester? Money problems? IPPT? That I’ve lost my mind because I don’t know what it’s on??
I’m dreading something, but I don’t know what.
